We all strive to be happy. At least most of us do. And in
order to be happy, we do many things. Things as large as planning our career
and family life to as small as cracking a joke to make someone smile. Happiness
underlies every action of a common man. But maybe we take it a little too far.
Maybe the very things that we do to make us and ours happy, back fire and make
us the contrary – unhappy.
I doubt if anyone would disagree with me when I say that our
lives are not really happy. Isn’t this the total opposite of what we want to be
and what we strive to be? If we are putting in so much effort towards being
happy, then why is it that we eventually end up being not so happy, or in the
worst case, sad? Perhaps the answer lies in the fact that we overdo it. One
thing we can agree upon for sure is that happiness cannot be obtained by a
loner, unless of course he or she is a Yogi
and finds bliss in Sadhana. We are
happy when we do something for ourselves, and we are happier when we do
something for others. The second kind of happiness is more fulfilling and hence
more attempted than the first. Herein lies the problem.
Most often one would tend to think that one knows the person
one is trying to make happy. After all, one knows what needs to be done for
that person to make that person happy. Isn’t that knowing enough? But you see,
like the million variables that make accurate weather prediction almost impossible,
there are perhaps a million more variables that make predicting human emotion
almost impossible. So although you are doing something to make a person happy,
maybe, just maybe that person will not enjoy that thing at that time in that
place because his or her mind is preoccupied with something else that needs fulfillment. And everything goes for a toss when this happens – that person gets
their fulfillment by doing what they think will make you happy at that exact time.
That person has been trying to do what you have been trying to do all along. Both
are trying to make each other happy. Both are trying to do something nice, both
have the best intentions for the other person yet neither is able to do
anything for the other to make him or her happy. So much thought, so much
effort and so much love and affection later, the result is nil, rather you receive
a totally different emotion - anger, irritation or frustration. And you oh so
rightfully retaliate. You retaliate with a higher degree of the same emotion
you just received. But you will not talk it out calmly to figure out that you
both were great together and it was just a miscommunication. No sir. You will
want a justification from the other person for letting you feel bad. Remember
that the other person is also expecting the same from you, and this keeps
going. This is a classic infinite loop unless one hits Ctrl+Z to terminate the
program. You see, what is at work here is a little thing called ego.
So what is the conclusion of all this? Is the other person
liable for a justification? Then so are you and we all will be justifying
ourselves for eternity, God knows what new peril will evolve out of that. Or,
you address this little person in you called ego, and tell it to shut the
#%&# up. And go on with your endeavor to make that other person happy and
achieve it. Seriously, just try it. You never know!
